Parallel Play is a form of play in which children play adjacent to each other, but do not try to influence one another’s behavior. Children usually play alone during parallel play, but are interested in what other children are doing. As we enter adulthood and relationships, we sometimes lose the capacity to play in a parallel way, especially if we depend heavily upon what the other is thinking about us. Adult sexuality in all contexts is heavily susceptible to a dynamic that is oriented away from one’s own center, creating a codependency in which each action of one disproportionately affects the other. Because sex has been cultivated for many of us in the shadows, we often tend to abandon what we might be thinking or feeling during pleasure in hopes of achieving validation or approval if we “do it right” or “look the part.” While we absolutely must develop the capacity to attune to our lovers, we also need to remain internally focused on our own pleasure and personal expression. It is within this tension of holding dual perspectives that allows us the freedom to enjoy both control and surrender at the same time.
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